How ‘Madam’ Antonia Murphy ended up running an ethical brothel – and why she called it a day

Antonia Murphy has told her story of running an ethical brothel in a new memoir, ‘Madam’. Photo / Kirsty Griffin
When Antonia Murphy moved to New Zealand 16 years ago, she never anticipated that she would find herself running an ethical brothel in Whangārei – or that her life story would form the basis for a TV show.
But, as she details in her new memoir, Madam, after getting divorced and needing money to continue raising her three children, Murphy thought back on her prior interest in sex work.
“Years previously, I had gone to a brothel in Auckland and interviewed some of the sex workers and came away thinking, my gosh, these are just young women trying to work.
“They’re just at their job. It’s not a whole thing. It’s not scary. It’s not sleazy, at least that one where I visited was not. And I sort of filed that in the back of my memory banks. And then when it came time to start making an income and building a business, I thought, wow, maybe this is something I could actually do.”
That then led to three years as “Madam Murphy” of “The Bach”’, which she opened in a motel in early 2017.
It was quite a change for the San Francisco-born Murphy, who has a degree in European History and Comparative Politics from Columbia University.
Speaking to Paula Bennett on her NZ Herald podcast, Ask Me Anything, Murphy said that she had first become interested in sex work while researching for a book set in New Zealand, and had learned a lot about New Zealand’s world-leading decriminalisation laws.
When she opened “The Bach” though, she went further, operating it as an “ethical brothel”.
“When it came down to the fact that we called ourselves ethical, it had to do with consent.”
Murphy’s philosophy was grounded in allowing the women to be in charge, ranging from working around their schedules and childcare arrangements to letting them make the final decisions at all stages about whether they accepted clients and whether they continued with a booking.
“I never loaned money. If a woman said, ‘Oh, can you, can you spot me 20 for pizza?’, I’ll say, ‘I’ll buy you pizza. Don’t worry about it’, because if she’s in debt, then she feels like she can’t say no.
“We also had a policy that once clothing has taken, has come off or sexual contact has started, I’ll pay her out, no matter if she stops the booking and he doesn’t pay.”
She had never been involved in sex work prior to this, but learnt a lot during those three years, particularly around why people engage in sex work.
“They’re doing a job just like you and me. I mean, you can say they’re compelled to work, but I was compelled to write this book to make money to feed my kids. You’re compelled to be sitting here right now with me to earn your living. We’re all compelled to earn a living under capitalism. So as long as people are adult and consenting of their own free will, leave them alone.”
The success of “The Bach” and the interest in the ethical approach saw Murphy write a series of articles about her experience, which prompted her book deal and the TV show of the same name starring Rachel Griffiths, which aired on Three earlier this year.
But, in 2019 after three years of operation, Murphy ended up calling it quits. The decision was motivated in part by the cost of running it, but also by raising her daughter and seeing the lives of the women who worked for her.
“My daughter was coming to intermediate school age, and so many of the women who came to The Bach, I observed, had been really bright young girls in high school, who were bored in Whangārei, and got into some naughty behaviour because there wasn’t anything else to do, whether it was drinking or lots of sex without it, ended up with a young child, and then the guy leaves, and then she’s stuck in small-town Whangārei with no qualifications and no means of support.
“I wanted to get my daughter out of Whangārei because I wanted her in, and into a bigger city because I wanted her to see a more broad array of life choices.”
Listen to the full episode for more from Antonia Murphy about her life story, losing one of her sons, and what else she learned about sex work during her time as the Madam.
Ask Me Anything is an NZ Herald podcast hosted by former Deputy Prime Minister Paula Bennett. New episodes are available every Sunday.
You can follow the podcast at iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.